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I love watching people and I love listening to people's opinions but people are exasperated at the conflicting reports out there when it comes to loosing weight from only eat 3 meals a day to fasting to protein enriched to carbohydrates to no sugar to eat everything you have always eaten and still loose weight to cardio exercise to no point in doing cardio exercise to only do weights.  

HEADS ARE EXPLODING

So, now that that is off my chest, I am actually calling out the elephant in the room unless you are ready to loose weight in your own mind without looking for outside excuses as to why this diet hasn't helped or that diet hasn't helped or my dog ate my slimfast plan or my cat scratched my unislim card, no diet in the universe is going to work.  

Oh no she didn't - did she just go there.  I have to take responsibility for what goes into my body? I have to be responsible for my exercise and if I don't loose weight or feel better in my self or decide to sneak 10 bags of crisps under the covers or hide the chocolate in the toilet cistern, I MUST TAKE RESPONSIBILITY.

Look, it is not easy to be told that you can't blame everything on everyone else and that sometimes in certain situations, you must take the responsibility.

In the case of medical interference this is a whole different ball game and that is when things like diet, exercise and health life style need to be talked about with your doctor.

Social media is heart breaking there is no doubt about it and when I see all these different things popping up, it gets me down.  I know when I put my mind to something and I have that will and determination in me, I am unstoppable even loosing weight.

BUT

when its not there, I don't loose it.  I don't do all the things I should or should't do depending on the case and I can hold my hands up and say "that's my fault"

I am not looking to blame anyone else.  I am not looking for a scapegoat.

I have IBS, Crohns, Diverticulitis and spine issues, which can slow me down and it can suck.  On the days I am good, I try harder and on the days I struggle, I deal with it and get on with it.

One thing I have learnt, is to stop being hard on myself over my weight.  I was always taught when you are sick the first thing that will happen is you will loose weight.  So, I do like to carry a bit for these times but in all fairness, I know I need to loose at least 2.5 stone and I will do it.  

So what will you do for yourself today?

Here's a little help from me - Don't try to do it all at once.  Start one thing this week and then next week continue that one thing and add in something else and keep going until you have reached what you need to reach.  ie this week I will walk 10 mins each day.  Next week I will raise it to 15 mins each day and give up sugar in my coffee and so on.

  Good luck everyone and be nice to yourself, it helps not hurts

Who thinks this is a conundrum?

From my perspective, it is a total conundrum.

So why? Well lets discuss.

It takes some person to turn round and be exceptionally truthful.  We all think we are lovely people and we all think we can do no wrong.  I like to think I am in that category of where I apologise if I do something wrong, get something wrong and even unintentionally hurt someone but who will actually hold up their hand and say Yes, I am a total ass and I do intentionally hurt people.

Now, that right there is where the nail has been hit on the head, the unintentionally hurting.  I have hurt people in the past and I like to know it was never intentionally.  I have been hurt way too many times, and while I own my reactions to the situations, my reaction was that of hurt.  I walked away from these people and stayed away.

I feel sick to my stomach, if I thought I had hurt someone because that person is reacting to something I did or said. 

I remember an event, from my childhood, maybe 9 or 10 years of age.   This girl in my primary school gave me a gift.  Now I was thankful and grateful and then a few minutes later she said to me, if there is anything there you don't like just give it back to me.  So, I have a habit of taking people literally {even to this day}.  So, I relooked at this gift {It was lots of stationery} and I remember thinking, well I have that, that and that so I don't need those so I will return them.  

Now little did I know, this girl was so upset that I had returned things and she took it that I didn't like her and I had about 4 or 5 girls come up to me and give out to me, because this girl was crying and really upset that I had hurt her and I was the mean one.  However, upon trying to explain my side, no one would listen.  I went up to the girl and apologised and hoped that she would come to my house to play to make up for it.

That has stuck with me my entire life and I can still see the whole thing as if it just happened.

Anyone reading this might be on my side or they might be on the other girls side.  Genuinely I would never have thought my actions could have hurt her as much as they did but they did.  I have carried that lesson my entire life.  I can still see her face, the gift and her crying to this day.

You just don't know how people will react.  I think everyday, I am treating people well, but little do I know, unintentionally I may have said something that has that person feeling sick.

I do try to watch the P's and Q's but you know sometimes that cannot be an easy thing to do.

 I like to treat people with respect and be nice and understanding, I have not always had the same courtesy shown to me but it doesn't stop me.  So is there a better way of saying Treat people as you want to be treated.  Turns out yes there is

Turns out that Mencius had a good way of putting it.  For those that are learning for the first time {like me} who Mencius is, he is a Chinese Philosopher.  Thank you to World History, they explain that Mencius is known for his significant contributions to Confucianism {the importance of having a good moral character}, particularly his belief in the inherent goodness of people and the importance of cultivating moral behavior. His philosophy emphasized the value of education, benevolent governance, and ethical. 

I think I will be reading a little more on this new found friend of mine.  

There is a lot out on social media from many different sides:

1. The age old one is Be-careful how you treat people, you don't know what they are battling

2. People are running out of patience because we are living in a society where you literally can't say anything

3. The age old jokes we use to tell are now being banned

4. TV programs on re-runs from 60's, 70's and 80's now come with warnings

I could go on.  I'm not going to try and convince any of you, that we are not living in confusing times.   We are.  

I won't lie, I don't want to be known as that person who hurt people or don't talk to that person, she will likely come out with something you don't want to hear - hey that's just the truth but if when I am speaking with people or I am listening to someone, I want to be the person who listens and helps.  We were given 2 ears and 1 mouth; too many of us get those mixed up.

I leave you with this - Thumper said it best:

I lost my Dad on 5th September 2022.  I have never been the same since and never will be again.  

You find how to work this unimaginable emotion in to your everyday life.  I find myself looking at his photo and heartbroken that he is not here to share things with, ask his advice, laugh with, slag with, or what ever I got to experience with Dad over the years.  

Yes, I find myself giving out to him every now and then saying "You should not be there, you should be here"

The day Dad passed, was also the day my husband and I, closed on our dream home.  An hour before he passed, we got the keys.  My husband rang to tell me as we stood around Dad's hospital bed.  I went quietly to my Mum, told her and she said "tell him yourself" and I said "No, you tell him something good"

Over 300 people attended his funeral.  There were people sending us messages of disbelief, fondness, love and heart broken because my Dad touched so many people's lives.  We didn't even know half of these people.

My Mum was and I like to think, still is, the complete love of his life.   55 years together they were.  

I think a few people have used the quote "I am not gone, I have slipped into the next room" I am not sure who I can thank, for these words and not everyone will believe like I do, and that is ok, but I love the sentiment it brings.

So why have I decided on now to blog about this?  Dad's 80th approaches soon.  I am in the middle of making something to celebrate it.  Here's hoping it turns out well.  Grief often crosses my mind as I watch my Mum, My sister, My two Brothers, My Dad's Two Brothers, all trying to deal with this massive hole that has been left by someone who had the biggest personality I ever knew in my life.

We all grieve in our different ways and most important none of us compare griefs or tell each other how to do it.  We have let each other just be but the most important thing is we all know we can pick up the phone, meet for a coffee or a meal to just be there.

I have watched and listened to many people over the years either having to deal with grief or be hard on others who are still struggling years and years down the road.

It horrifies me at what has been said to people and even to my own Mum in the middle of Tesco's, two weeks after Dad's passing.  

I will never forget the support network I had and my family had in those three weeks and three days that Dad was in hospital for.  It was beyond amazing and those same people to this day, support me with the same kindness and patience.

Grief is such a personal thing and I believe you cannot tell people how to grieve or for what period of time they have to grieve. 

I carefully chose the quote for today from Elisabeth Kübler-Ross.  There were loads to choose from but there was something just right about this one.

I suppose with this blog, I am asking for you all to just take a step back before you think you need to put your ten pence worth in on someone's grief. One day, it will be you grieving and I hope you never have to hear some of the heartless things I know people have had said to them.  Be kind.  

For those of you who have stumbled upon this blog, and you are grieving, I hope you know that your love you had for whom ever you have lost, no matter how long ago, was a love they carried with them right before they popped into the next room.

Two very different things

I am not here to lecture you on the difference but I must admit it saddens me when people get these very mixed up.

AND GUESS WHAT ??? We all do.  We are humans not super-beings.  We are not perfect.  We are not here to be perfect.  We are here to travel a journey and have experiences.

All experiences have needs and wants.

I need air.  I need food. I need water. I need shelter. I need clothes.

Here is the argument between want and need.

I had a conversation with someone a while back because I was finding myself getting very frustrated regarding the importance of money and the velocity people place on its value.

Guess what?  The only thing free in life is air because we breathe.  Now wait before you go off rolling your eyes. 

I am going to say it ... Money is important.  Stop beating yourself up if you are placing a value on it for needing it to provide the basics.

Why? Because without it we can't buy the things we need ... Food, Shelter,  Water, Clothes.

The things we want are the step on from that and that's where buying in Pennys v Marks & Spencers or an Apartment v House or Holiday v Staying at home or Cooking at home v going out going out for dinner come very much in to play.

Where it becomes frustrating on people is where your value of money becomes more important then what is real in life like relationships or friendships or not showing up for friends and family. 

When you do make your millions, why is there a necessity to show off to those who don't have it?

Why not strip it back - Those who have made it - Ask yourself where did you come from in life?  Are you inherited money or did you work for what you have?  Were you ever in a position where you did need the fundamentals of life?

I see parents every Christmas putting themselves under severe pressure to buy their kids the latest and greatest in technology because they have to. 

Let me ask those same parents an important question - Which presents do you remember the best from your childhood? I guarantee maybe 1 or 2 presents might stick in your head.  

Want -v- Need - It is a tricky thing aint it? So what is the answer.

Well, there really isn't one because actually our Wants and Needs are very different to someone elses Wants and Needs.

I need to meditate as much as I need water, food, clothes, shelter.  This is just an example.

Before you judge someone else on their needs and wants, have a look at yourself and see where are your values being placed.  Oh and be honest with yourself.   It is not like I am asking you to divulge them, just be careful how you are judging others. 

Also full disclosure - This is very much 1st World issues - and even at that, the rate of homeless here in Ireland is scary.  I also can't begin to imagine what it is like for people who are living in the poorest of countries or war torn of countries.  I do think I am blessed and  I am grateful.

I was listening to the radio recently and they were talking about the ART OF CONVERSATION being null and void (my words) and that more people prefer to text then call.  All well and good if you are surrounded by people who want the same thing by only texting. However, there are older generations who still love to talk and anyone lucky enough to have their parents and grandparents, trust me they want to talk.   People were texting into the radio station to say, if someone was to call them, they automatically think that it is bad news.  This is not good my friends!

My Dad passed away on 5th September 2022, and I would give anything to have even a 5 minute conversation with him.  Dad loved to talk.  I possibly get that from him.

Conversation is beyond important, even if it is just picking up the phone and saying "Hi, how are you doing?"

My Mum also told me about the program she listened to, where children are growing up, not knowing about the art of conversation because they are having mobile phones or tablets shoved at them, to keep them quiet. 

Research has begun { in case you think this is us making all of this up} that children are not going to be able to spell correctly or understand or know the art of conversation, all because of texting and been brought up by electronics {not my words}. 

How many adults even use short cuts now, because, it is too much hassle to type a full word?

I went for a meal recently with my husband and we couldn't stop smiling as there was a family who had brought a board game with them, so that while they ate, they played with their two children.  We do see it when we go out, families together but they aren't really together because the children are watching phones or tablets, looking like robots eating their food with their hands and the parents are sitting silently not even conversing with each other.

We have often been out and witnessed couples not talking to each other, just on their phone for the entire meal. What is even the point of going out for a lovely meal?

You learn a lot about people, life, adventures and possibly even help with a decision you need to make all through conversation.

Do you really want to get to the end of your life and think "Yes, I made it through my life with little conversation and it was thrilling"  or would you not prefer to look back and remember the great times, the laughs, the stories, the antics and the general connection?

The Irish are well known for their story telling.  Please do not tell me that the generations on their way up are going to loose that wonderful art because it was easier to text then to talk.  I would hate to think someone sees my name coming up on their phone and their thinking "Oh god, the thoughts of talking, why can't she just text like everyone else"

I was listening to an interview and a well known celebrity has come out with "I don't text or call, I send voice notes for 20 minutes that way I don't get interrupted in what I am saying to them and I prefer people just to send me voice notes,  then I can respond when it suits me"  

I certainly know, I will never regret making the effort to talk to people.  If you happen to be in my realm, I will not be letting texting take over, you will have to talk to me. 

When people ask how I am, I respond mostly with "living the dream"

Now I have been asked "Are you being sarcastic?"

To which I say "No"

So very simply, my dream is different to yours and your dream is different to mine.  So, am I living my dream?

Well, I have the home I always wanted, I can pay my bills, put food on my table, have some meals out and put clothes on my back then again, I had my dreams dashed when I couldn't have children. 

My dreams were to be married by 29, having children by 30 and be a stay home Mum.  Sadly, that was not what was in store for me. 

When I re-looked at what I wanted to dream for, I made it more simple as nothing is as heart breaking as dreaming so hard for something and then not getting it.  Especially when it is out of your hands.

My now dream is to live my best life, help people, make people laugh and from this blog and my first book to help even one person that is feeling lonely right now and let them know, you can adjust, you can re-look and you can say to yourself "ok so that didn't work, dust meself off and try again"

Today, I have signed up to a Motivational Speaking Course.  I want to qualify in Motivational Speaking.  I am 47, 48 in March.  I am reinventing myself.  I have always wanted to do it, and now I am starting my course.

Are you living your dream, or do you need to tweek it a bit?  

REMEMBER: YOUR DREAM IS YOUR OWN - NO ONE ELSE HAS YOUR DREAM,  but listen do me an auld favour, remember, when you are talking to someone whose dream is not like yours, perhaps they too had to reinvent themselves because the first one didn't go quite according to their plan.  

Hands up, now be honest, who wanted to get their phone or tablet or laptop or pc and chuck it out the window when you saw the title of this weeks blog?  

Gratitude to people who don't fully understand it,  is a buzz saying that is used by all the holistic and the zen people.

What if I told you there was a lot more to the Art of being Grateful then you realise?

Look as I explained before, I am not here to convince anyone that what I blog about is right or wrong.  I am only giving you a perspective.  To look at life from a different set of glasses.

Over the years, I have done the Art of Gratitude writing and yes I did notice some good positive stuff and then on the other hand nothing changed.

So, before 2025 started, I decided I was going to look at the Art of Gratitude from a whole new perspective and it is when I started that, that in the past week things are falling into place.

So what do I mean?  Well, when I did the Art of Gratitude before, yes there were things I was genuinely grateful for and then there were things I wrote but at the back of my head, I wasn't actually grateful for them at all.  I loathed, despised and rejected them due to the situation I was in.  

Don't roll your eyes to heaven and assume I am off down the do gooders way, I am just sharing my experience.

This time round, I started on the 1st January and every morning before my day starts, I write in my book, I am grateful for .........  I fill the page and then at the end, I write 7 times Thank you.  Why 7?  It was my Dad's lucky number.

I only write things in my heart that I know as I write them I am smiling - I am grateful for my home, I am grateful for my car and so on and so on.  No, I am not telling you my more personal ones but you get my meaning.

I also knew in order for things to change I did need to be grateful for the crap as well as the good shit.

But here is my secret to getting on board and being grateful ....... you need to make sense of it in your human head!

For instance I am grateful for my bills.  I link it back to the fact that without bills, I wouldn't have a roof over my head, petrol in my car, food on the table, heat in my home, clothes on my back, lights on in the house etc

I am grateful for the lessons and difficult situations because it shaped me into the person I am today, it helped me to make better decisions, it taught me what I wanted and more importantly what I didn't want.

Those above reasons for being grateful are not just for holistic people or zen people or what ever name is out there, they are actually for everyone.

Since changing the way I do my Art of Gratitude, I have noticed a difference in myself.    Today was day 28.  They say "The 28 day rule states that it generally takes anywhere between 21 and 28 days to create a new habit. Meaning that the first 3 to 4 weeks of performing a new task is often the hardest. Only once you cross that 3 or 4 week period do things start to get easier as the task then becomes a habit"

Please note not my words, I did copy them but hell they are good words for explaining the 28 Day rule.

I like my new habit, I look forward each morning to completing it.  Yes you can repeat ones you have already done.  You can even be grateful for something that hasn't even happened ie

"I am grateful for the lotto, as I have won a €1,000,000"  that my friends is where the Art of Gratitude meets the Law of Attraction.  Let's get the Art of Gratitude down to a fine art first!

Nice concept? Total Nonsense? Yes, I have tried it and it works? Hmmmm ... I'll get back to you!

OK, so, some of you will have heard of this idea "What you think of me is none of my business"

When I first had this said to me, my first reaction was "Yea right, if someone is bad mouthing me or saying untrue things, I would want to know because I want the opportunity to defend myself and put the record straight"

Then I had it explained to me and my reaction was "Huh, that's interesting"

We all have different people that are in our lives: Family, Friends, Colleagues, Neighbours, Local Shop Keeper, and so on and so on and yes the people who follow you on social media or who you follow.

The question I pose to you is,  Who matters most in your life?   At the end of the day, it is only the people who you have a genuine friendship or relationship with that matter the most. They are the people that are in your life on a daily basis.   They are the people you confide in, these people confide in you.  You have a bond.  You know each other inside and out.  When there is trouble, they are the people you would pick up the phone to.  

Now ask yourself the next question:  How many people - Genuinely / Realistically do you know that you have that proper wholesome relationship with ? 

All of a sudden, I know you are thinking "Hell, my 1000's of peeps are now possibly 5/10/15 peeps.

For this to make sense, you need to look at these people you want in your life, you need in your life and have a connection with - If one of these people said something derogatory about you, you would be upset, right?  Yes of course RIGHT, but these peeps are in your corner so you talk things through even if you have done something dumb-ass. 

Now, the people who are not relevant and not a friend / confident / family member, why would you take on anything they have to say about you, given the fact; 1. They are not in your inner circle. 2. They don't know you. 3. You don't confide in them  4. You might cross paths once in a blue moon and even if you work with these people, they are not one of the people you have grown a bond with.  If these people are saying anything, its either on hear say or they are jealous and is their opinion really that important to you?  

IF THEIR OPINION MATTERS THAT MUCH TO YOU, WHY ARE THEY NOT IN YOUR INNER CIRCLE?

In the words of @melrobbins LET THEM.   

When you can learn to develop and embrace "What you think of me is none of my business" you will have a happier life.

Are you for or against the whole concept of New Year Resolutions?

What if I told you that there was another way of looking at New Year Resolutions that could make changing your life a little easier?

Are you interested?

A number of years ago, I realised I was only fooling myself with the whole New Year Resolutions.  While the concept is good, the realism is the majority of us give up by the second or third week.  Don't forget the Gym's rely on the first few weeks of January as it is where they make most of their money.  I do tip my hat to those who make New Year Resolutions and succeed.

New Year Resolutions, in my humble opinion, don't work because we are biting off more then we can chew.  Again, the lists and concepts are great but too many of us, yes like me, get overwhelmed trying to take too much on while living our everyday lives.

So, it doesn't matter the day, the week, the month or the time of year, you can only make changes to your life when that light switch goes off in your head and you say to yourself, now I am ready.  Just so you know the more people that give you hassle about making these changes: Stop Smoking, Stop Drinking, Eat Healthy, Exercise, Make an Effort the less likely you will do it.  

I find that if you set yourself a daily or weekly task and no more then that and get use to it, engulf it into your life then move onto the next thing, you will be more likely to succeed.  

Example:  You know you have to drink more water.  Each day and no more then a day at a time, get up in the morning and say my only task for today is my intake of water.  

What task are you setting yourself?  Will it be:  Today I will achieve going for a walk or Today I will achieve not eating any chocolate or Today, I will meditate for 10 mins or Today, I will start my gratitude list.  

Remember you do not even have to think ahead to tomorrow, just achieve today.  

I will leave you with this, that brought me huge inspiration many years ago: Take a look at this Yourtube Video from a Navy Seal who learnt about the importance of making your bed each day:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KgzLzbd-zT4

Hindsight - Is it a great thing? 

After listening to Newstalk earlier, there was a TD on and she was telling of her experiences in government and she was saying Hilary Clinton has released a book and states "You never forget, you just move on".  This got me thinking about HINDSIGHT.  I am that person who doesn't want regrets in life.  In other words as I have already said, when I am on my death bed, let me regret what I did do NOT what I didn't.  I am also a believer in "I made decisions at the time based on the factors / information / what was happening at the time, why in gods name would I want HINDSIGHT to remind me or make me feel horrible about past decisions?  I take accountability for my actions. I learned from the lessons when it blew up in my face and rejoiced when it worked out"

Thank you to thesaurus.plus for this image I found on google.  It is a good one.   

HINDSIGHT is it a good thing? or is it just a horrible reminder?  Those of you who are beating yourself up, perhaps this is your reminder to move on.  You don't forget and those that tell you, you do, are lying.  Another way of looking at things is, you can spend hours / days / weeks / months making a decision but your final outcome on any situation comes down to that last split second of do it or don't do it. 

You make a decision based on the factors / information / what is happening at the time / people in your life.  Of course if you had to make the decision again you may make it differently given that you may have other things / people in your life now that you didn't back then or maybe you would still make the same decision. 

So again, I pose the question -  IS HINDSIGHT A GREAT THING? 

Well only you can decide if it is or if it is not for you! 

Me?  It is what it is and I choose it NOT to be the greatest thing.

You can't change the past. 

Are you really going to keep mulling over decisions that you have made or can you move on and keep living in the now?

A Reason, A Season, A Lifetime

Who loves a bit of perspective on the head scratches of life.  I know I do.  I also know that I am not so far up my own derriere that I can't learn from others especially when something has been highly recommended to me.  I was introduced to this wonderful poem / composition back in 2016 and I must say I got this huge ding dong moment.  The original one was from an author unknown but I do sadly see other people trying to take recognition for it.  I have suggested to many people over the years to read this.  I do ask for one favour, please; Read this not only from the point of view of people who have wronged you but for the people you too have wronged or a nicer way of putting it; for the times you too have removed yourself from people's lives.

I do hope the unknown author got their recognition that they deserved because it is a masterpiece of writing and perspective. 

My Book

I wrote a book in 2020 called Been There Done That Still Not Bought the T-shirt.  Instead of publishing the book, I decided to record each chapter and put it up on YouTube. I did this in the hope that someone who needed a helping hand during COVID would stumble across it and either cry from laughter or help them with a bit of life's perspective all from the ramblings of a 40 odd year old.  Still up there on YouTube.  Here is the introduction:  https://youtu.be/F1NWHEbFnrk?

Edgar Allan Poe stated "All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream"  

C.G. Jung stated “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”

I am no Edgar Allan Poe or C.G. Jung but life has given me experiences and to me, in my humble opinion, those experiences are what we have and they are what and why I used to write my first book.  Enjoy

Medical Mayhem an Outline

Does anyone really want to look back over their life and think "some of my vast experiences, time and effort have gone into dealing with the medical profession of Ireland" and yet here I am at 47 thinking, who can learn from me? who can I help? how do I make sure, I look at my time of dealing with the medical profession from a positive perspective?  hmmmm.

The following photo was taken earlier this year.  22nd March 2024 to be precise, the day I would finally meet a consultant who has his head screwed on the right way and get this, wants to listen and help.  I am counting my lucky stars before anyone asks.  No, honestly its true.